Vintage Engagement Session with Taein & Cindy

May 13, 2022 in Photography

I'm very excited to share and document these as a very memorable wedding/bridal session I ever did. The location was at Harwelden Mansion, and when we first had the visit I was not completely sure if I could pull out the classic imagery they were seeking for. Outdoor wedding was such long ago and compared to indoors outdoors are always intimidating.

But Taein and Cindy were so flexible and cooperative the whole way, I still can't believe we took these many amazing shots in that two hours (including changing times!). I believe these wedding shots are the most vintage, unique ones I've ever done and because they are so classic but modern at same time, they will never look old- and how perfect is that for a wedding photoshoot!

Revisiting these photographs at their actual wedding was such a joy: my behind the scenes youtube video was playing in the background constantly which was a plus. Many guests of them who I did not even know complimented the photographs during the wedding which was such an honor. Thank you for the great assistants, the mansion managers, and the beautiful couple. Behind the scenes youtube video is at the end of the post:)

Youtube Behind the Scenes!

Hanbok Collection - Gyuli

May 13, 2022 in Photography

Gyuli

Never thought I'll see her again- actually, she is one of the few that I have known for almost ten years now. Same church, same Tulsa, I always gave her rides back and forth to church and home with her brother. I think it's very interesting and strange, when you spend much time with someone even without too much talking, there is still that connection that is created between two people. I think between Gyuli and I we have that. And it never goes away. That is the magic and merit of time. I bet I was one of the unnie for her she talked the most in the time back then for her, nevertheless, there is that bonding that we have spent in my car.

It wasn't until recently I realized we share so much common of being a young female Korean living in Tulsa, Oklahoma- moved to States not by our choice. But adjusted and found an interesting identity that is still being found. And that was enough to decide to ask her to be part of my collection. Plus, she looks so much mature and her face has become more feminine and beautiful.

규리

어느새 훌쩍 커버린 규리. 정말 오래, 거의 10년동안 안 몇 안되는 사람중 하나다. 우리는 많이 대화하지도, 함께 많은 시간을 따로 보낸것도 아니지만, 교회와 집 사이 라이드를 많이 해주던 기억이 난다. 그리고 그 때 그저 같은 공간에 함께 있던 시간이 이상하게 서로가 서로를 보면 편안하게 만들어주는것 같다. 규리 규석 남매는 원래 말이 없는 편이지만, 그래서 그런지 나를 편하게 해준다. 굳이 말하지 않아도 느껴지는 연대감같은걸 이들에게서 느낀달까. 가끔은, 말보다 침묵이, 임재가 더 많은것을 말하는것 같기도 하다. 그래서 그런지 규리를 스타일링하는건 전혀 어렵지 않았고, 어떤 질문을 인터뷰에 물어볼지도 고민하지 않아도 되었던것같다.

I think the color I would see myself in would be like a dark sage green. Not only is it a favorite color of mine, but it’s a calm and mellow color which I would like to think that I have those characteristics in myself. I specifically say dark because even though I think I’m chill and mellow, there are parts of me that are dark like my flaws and pain that I carry within me.

Unlike others, I don’t think I had a rough time living with two different cultures as a child but it did get difficult when I actually moved to Korea almost four years ago. By that time, I considered OK as my home. I was leaving my friends and leaving the American culture I was more comfortable with. When I was in Korea, I struggled to “feel” like a Korean. I thought I had to “be” more Korean since I live in the country now but it was hard to do that. The States felt more like a home to me and I really struggled to feel like either an American or Korean. Korea only started to feel like home about 2 months before I moved back to OK and that was also difficult to deal with. I felt a little bitter to be leaving my home again and moving to place that would feel familiar but not home anymore. I still think I’m more American ultimately, my identity is in Christ so I try not to focus on it too much.

The dark sage green

규리만의 그 젊지만 어둑어둑한 그 말로 표현할 수 없는 느낌을 내고싶었는데 본인의 가장 좋아하는 어두운 녹색/초록색이 참 찰떡이라고 생각이 들었다. 본인은 어떻게 생각할지 모르겠지만, 규리 규석 남매가 풍기는 특유의 외로움이라고나 할까, 고독이 있다. 나는 그것을 존중하고, 매력처럼 느껴진다고 해야할까. 굳이 친한척, 밝은척, 하지 않는, 덤덤한 외로움이 있다. 좀 더 나이가 어렸을때에는 그것이 불안정해 보이는 모습이 없지않아 있었지만, 벌써 둘다 성인이 되고 나서 보니 그들을 지탱해주는 단단한 반석의 일부가 아니었나 싶다.

To be honest, I look at the mirror and instantly spot the flaws. They may not be prominent from other people’s perspective, but when you see them couple of times a day, that’s all that you see like my incredibly dark under eye circles, small eyes, pale lips, and the occasional acne. Fortunately, I’ve kind of gotten used to it and in fact, it doesn’t really bother me anymore. Sure I look dead in the morning but it’s fine if other people see me with a naked face because that’s what I naturally look like.

But what bothers me is on those days when I’m really anxious and sad and I just see a really sad and tired expression. I suffer from anxiety on a daily basis and it’s mentally and physically exhausting. So, when I see my tired expression, it upsets me because I want to be joyful and smile but sometimes I just don’t have the energy to do that.

The hand is Gyuseok's, her brother's. I know the relationship between them is something a bit more special than I have seen between other brother and a younger sister. Gyuseok is like a father, friend, a protector to her, and I thought it would be meaningful to have his part of body to be her part of portrait. Being an only child, I do not know how it feels to have a sibling, closer than parents. But from what I have seen, it is interesting, intimate-and, omnipresent. I see more positive sides of it and I wanted to capture it somehow.

I don’t quite know what to expect in a photoshoot. I’ve only ever done one and it wasn’t that great. Taking pictures is not comfortable for me and I get tense so my smile always looks weird and I just don’t feel confident. I guess I just want it to be a time of having fun and being as comfortable as possible. I think it will be a time of creativity and expression so I’m looking forward to it. I hope that after this, I’ll feel more better about taking photos of myself.

Hanbok Collection - Destiny

May 13, 2022 in Photography

Destiny

Destiny had many art classes with me in university. We saw each other's works constantly, talked about life, art, relationships, in studio all the time. She was always smiling, bright, and interested about my outfit, art, photography, and anything surprised her. Such innocent, pure heart made me disarmed to open myself to her and creating such conversations were so fun. I still remember her soft but deep charcoal drawings of Disney princesses, Michael Jackson, and other celebrities. She always had colorful details in her outfit and accessories- we would always compliment each other. And it's been more than four years, and she seemed to remain exactly the same. Clean, bright eyes, staring at me when I talk, and laughing without any hinderance. It was such a thanksgiving time with her to have in front of the lens, I really appreciate her time and effort to be my artistry.

This time I tried the yellow & black polaroid film which was so much fun. Something different, but I love the sepia tone that it carries, it's so antique and matched Destiny's skin tone perfectly! I used my RP, Sigma Art 24-75, and Tilt shift Canon 45mm F 2.8. My polaroid camera is a 600 series Amigo 620, with a 600 Flash bar.

I love that I'm an empathetic person. I really care about people and I like being able to feel what someone else is feeling.

When I look in the mirror I see myself as a princess. When I was a little girl, my parents would always call me "Princess Destiny" and to this day that's how I envision myself.

The color that I see myself is purple. I feel like it represents royalty and peace and I've always been attracted to that color.

My nationality is African American and Native American. I'm so proud of my heritage. I feel like I come from an amazing group of strong, hard working, intelligent people with a rich culture.

Hanbok Collection - Lexi Michiko

May 13, 2022 in Photography

Lexi

I was looking for a ordinary model for my Hanbok collection- and Lexi was one who was not Korean, but had Japanese & Caucasian background together which I always thought it was fascinating. I first met her at Oral Roberts University, and I think I went up and asked her what her nationality was, or I guessed myself from her Japanese last name. Her brightness, and interesting facial features were always interesting. I even thought back then if I could capture her, but here now am, perfectly equipped to capture her. She was always friendly and called my name when we said hi. Her eyes were so big (actually from her Japanese father) and she had that big, white smile. I remember seeing her and her parents at the commencement, and even though I did not say hi, but just seeing them from distance there was full of love in that family. And that might be what I strive to capture- a multi cultural, but full of understanding and embracement, in our community.

Lexi was honest and blunt about her experience being a multi cultural race at a place called central America where it may be still difficult to be accepted. Nevertheless, she was the exact same as few years back as we graduated together in 2017. Funny, goofy, and easy going, still beautiful. I had so much fun writing down her story in the polaroids and remembering the beautiful time we had after the sunset. And she fit the garments so well- she looked so pretty and Japanese, not Korean, and pulled her charms out!

I see myself as a Soft Pink/Peach. It might be due to the change in seasons but I’ve noticed this color quite a bit recently and it feels warm and comforting. Also, it’s the color I like to surround myself with the most in my home which is probably why I see it as myself in color form.

I appreciate the respect in Japanese culture whether it’s for a household (like taking off your shoes at the door) or for elders or just thinking outside of your own needs and wants. I think especially of respecting the time of others and making certain not to be an inconvenience; taking into account those around me.

I adore light pink carnations. They remind me of both my Obachan (Japanese Grandmother) and my Grandma (American Grandmother). My Obachan would tell me stories about why she loved those flowers and when I see them they remind me of her. My Grandma would always talk about how you could dye them different colors and how they would last a long time. They remain my favorite because they remind me of family and I think fondly of all the stories I’ve been told throughout the years.

My earliest memory of discomfort around my culture was when I was told I wasn’t really Asian because I was only half so that disqualified me entirely. I’ve had people ask how I speak English so well or where am I really from. I’ve been told by strangers that my Mom isn’t really my Mom because she’s blonde with green eyes and obviously I’m not related to her. Recently it’s been about the Pandemic and COVID originating in Asia which I’ve been blamed for because I’m Asian. I’ve been told I’m a diversity hire in my employment because I was the only one not entirely White. Overall, these moments sadden me because not everyone sees the beauty of two cultures intertwined.

Internally, I am at ease with living with two cultures in me because I’ve never known anything different. It’s when others point out that I’m two different cultures that it comes to my attention because not everyone is. I’ve been asked by total strangers how it feels to be only half Japanese but I am never quite sure how to answer because it’s all I’ve ever known.

Inner qualities I like about myself: motivation and sensitivity. I’ve been told all my life that I’m a very motivated person but it comes from a deep place inside because I am determined to keep going despite circumstances outside of my control. There’s a saying that “Failure isn’t falling down but refusing to get up” and I am determined to keep getting up. Also, sensitivity because I feel things very strongly inside and I choose to see that as an inner quality I quite like. Some people have told me that I’m too sensitive but I choose to see that positively in my life because I would rather have a soft heart for people than a hard heart.

Hanbok Collection - Yubi

May 12, 2022 in Fashion, Photography, Self Portraits

New Fashion Photography Collection <Hanbok>

This collection has been in my head for so long. It has definitely been something that I should've done for a long, long time. Man, it's kind of sad that it's usually the most important things, or the things that resonate with me the most that comes last. Maybe because it takes a lot of courage, meaning a lot of time. This collection is solely from the cultural identities I have explored the past 5-6 years in Masters program, and in the wild world out of school. I used to always thought my bi-lingual ability or the bi-cultural elements in me something unique and, possibly, different. But the time, and the study about fashion, made me realize it's nothing unique. It's just me, and that made my perspective shift up and down as to see it as a character that is part of my core, and it is absolutely worth to be cherished upon. And gradually, that perspective moved on to different people and I saw attention to those who were like me. Koreans living and grown up in United States, people with two different cultures in them, or who know how to express themselves in terms of cultures. Which I was for sure this collection will start from me, because all the garments are designed from my perspective of combining the center design of Jeogori of Hanbok and the sleeve elements from English Regency Era where I think it is one of the most influential period that impacted the fashion internationally. I am dearly excited to share and start this, and I already thank for all those who have said yes to be part of this project.

오랫동안 생각하고 고민해왔던 컬렉션. 컬렉션을 하고 싶어서 너무 손이 간지러웠다. 컬렉션은 내게 인내와 용기를, 그리고 또다른 시선을 안겨주기 때문이다. 좋아도 싫어도 결국 컬렉션을 마쳐야하고, 그러한 끈기 있는 싸움을, 창조의 진통을 느낄 수 있는 컬렉션이 좋다. 어엿 나만의 한복 디자인을 한 지 일 년, 몇 안되지만 그 많은 옷들로 꼬옥 컬렉션을 하고 싶었다. 왜냐하면 그 옷들은 나의 정체성이자, 나의 이야기이기 때문. 그리고 놀랍게도, 그 이야기가 또다른 누군가의 이야기가 된다는것이 너무나 아름답다고 생각하기 때문이다. 한국인으로서 미국에 자랐거나, 두가지 다른 인종을 가졌거나, 두가지 다른 언어를 구사하거나... 그 어떤 이야기도 내겐 흥미롭고 또 나의 이야기와 비슷하다고 생각이 든다. 흔쾌히 이 컬렉션에 이미 함께 해주겠다고 약속해준 많은 여인들에게 감사를 표하며, please enjoy!

Korean clothings are 2-dimensional. Flat and calm. Western clothings are 3-dimensional. So much volume and energy. I incorporate both as much as possible in the garments, to show such personality that I carry.

Combining cultures is a direction that I always set in all my artworks. Letting a total different, almost opposite, medium influence the original path is always intimating- but gives me thrills of exploration.

The design process

I actually never have a set plan when I sketch these, they are literally a mix and match from Hanbok, Japanese Jinbe, and English dresses from Jane Austen era. I do see numerous modern Hanbok that is designed these days, but I want more of a Western touch to those. More mass and frame into the clothing. I seek the ultimate compromising point where the clothing has the perfect balance for two. Because, we all strive to find the balance between the various cultures that live in us. It could be fairly difficult, but I know it is worth the investigation. And I chose to explore it through clothing, and photography.

사실 오래전부터 아무 생각없이 스케치북에 늘 옷을 그려왔다. 옷 깃을 늘 저고리나 일본 진베처럼 스케치하고, 소매나 디테일은 꼭 제인 오스틴 시대때의 원피스에도 따왔다. 런던에서 석사 공부하면서 학교 도서관에서 빌렸던 제인 오스틴 시대 디자인 원피스 책을 아직도 기억하는데, 일러스트로 수채화로 오밀조밀 그려놓은 레이스와 리본들이 아직도 생생히 기억난다. 한국/동양 옷은 아주 평면적이다. 옷깃도, 소매도, 모두 한 방향에서 보면 충분할 정도로, 평평하다. 그러나 그에 비해 서양식 옷들은 모두 입체적이고, 풍성하다. 나는 이 색깔들이 너무 정확하게 그 문화의 성격을 띄고 있다고 생각한다. 평평함을 고지식함, 답답함으로 볼수 있겠지만, 내 눈에는 편안하고, 차분하고, 그리고 인내심있다. 풍성하고 화려한 디자인은 생기와 힘을 말한다. 그 다양한 색깔들이 한 원피스 안에서 알맞는 조화를 찾을수 있도록 하는것이 가장 큰 목적이다. 그리고 그것처럼, 나의 안에서도, 늘 대립해왔던 문화적 가치관들이 가장 완벽한 발랜스를 찾는것이, 우리 모두의 목적이 아닐까.

Deciding to investigate my own cultures was the best decision I made in my portfolios. That was the ultimate source of finding my unique beauty.

Behind the scenes

Self portraits were so much harder than I thought- because the last one was too far ago. But I was confident, because I was wearing what represented me as the most. And I plan- hopefully- my closet will be filled with what I designed maybe in ten years. And I desire to share those with so many people who may be struggling to find themselves, just as I did. I really dedicate this session to Jon, who has been behind me all the time as I prepared the garments, the collection, and my passionate career.

"인간의 일생이라는 것은 모두 자기 자신에게 도달하기 위한 여정이다" 라고 데미안에서 헤세는 말한다. 나는 나를 찾기 위해서 내가 어떤 인종으로 태어났는지, 내가 어떤 나라에서 자랐으면 어느 나라의 옷이 왜그리 그토록 아름다워보이는지 끊임없이 찾고 연구했다. 그리고 지금도 스케치하고, 만들고, 하는 과정중에 있지만, 나처럼 헤매고 있는 자들이 많을것이라 생각하며 컬렉션을 만들었다. 나의 이야기가 그들의 이야기가 될것임을 확신하기 때문이다. 다음 촬영에서 만나요.

Hanbok Collection - Mariah

May 12, 2022 in Photography

'Model' in a while!

It was kind of intimating to search for 'model' because I have not done that in a while and model agencies here in Tulsa were so small and pretty.. uncooperative. Nonetheless, Mariah was so encouraging and easy to communicate to begin with and she read my color of artworks quick like that. I am very excited about this photoshoot because it was a body of photographs that I imagined- in the mixture of both digital and film, and polaroids! Such mix of mediums really bring out the nostalgic, faded, yubi-like mood that I have always been longing for but just keep sticking with film camera on the side was something not that easy. But it's also so fascinating that if I wasn't me, I would not be able to tell which is digital and which is film, that is how much I edit my photos towards film color. Especially in the b&w.

Just as Jon my assistant was surprised to Mariah because she fit my aesthetics so perfectly- Mariah had beautiful features that I cannot ask for more- and I was really excited to hear about her dreams of modeling & acting. I am so glad I reached out to her first, to making the starting point of capturing models who are not an acquaintance of me but to get to know them through the photoshoot and also the interview, of course. The reason I did not capture model for the longest time I came back from London is because when I hire them they think they are just 'modeling,' and they are usually busy fitting themselves to the photographer's need. But thank God the interview Mariah answered were so deep enough to know that she is still a young beautiful lady inside and out and I could treat her as she is, in a touch of my aesthetics. :)

Thank you to Mariah's fiance for being such a great art director, assistant also, and Jon for carrying all that camera stuff outdoors for our beautiful outdoor shootings.

My digital body is Canon RP, film camera Nikon N65, polaroid 620 Amigo.

Enjoy!

"I’m a very empathic soul and want equality for all. Being caring to my family, friends and the world at large gives me purpose."

"When I look at the mirror,

I see my self [as a] powerful, soulful, very wizened [human] in a traumatic way."

"I want to do modeling because It’s fun and expressive. A perfect outlet for my creative energy.I’m a very energetic creative person. I want to express artistic beauty in a raw powerful way. The underdog. Against all odds."

Scarlett & Tavo's Reminder Wedding

May 11, 2022 in Photography

Today is the day that God made and gave to us. Let's start over our marriage relationship from the beginning. Respect more and love each other more. I'm thankful that God sent you into my life. Let's make a good family. We can do it :)

To remember the first is always difficult, but necessary in all kinds of relationships and career. I haven't seen Scarlett for more than 4 years as her son is so grown already, and she was willing to share her first again with me, with her lovely husband.

I like her outgoing nature which is the complete opposite of mine. Because of this, she enriches my life with people she has befriended. For example, a lot of the people we have met in our new neighborhood. If it wasn't for her, I would definitely be a lonely hermit (laugh).

I still remember Scarlett being part of our Sunday church praise team, her engagements at Woodward park.. And she was still the same. I love her brightness, energy, bluntness, so bright and fragrant. I didn't know Tavo was this tall (6' 6'', maybe he has grown lol), but he did look like a proper model because of that!

The most recent moment was last week when Scarlett took Parker and I went to Chandler park. We all played at the splash pad together and had a blast. It is these types of moments when I see Scarlett and Parker laughing and playing a lot which makes me the happiest.

The green backdrop was my least favorite because the shipping was so bad it had visible marks on it; but after this photoshoot I really really love this backdrop which adds a bit of fresh greenery to my collection of backdrop colors. The new prism I got had different colors including pink, and that additional light enhanced Scarlett's brightness.

Vivi

May 11, 2022 in Photography

Green

I feel like I’m a dark green. I feel that it symbolizes patience. It isn’t a warm color, but it is rich and full of life. I don’t think I am a very warm person, but I am full of life.

참 오랜만에 만난 Vivi. 10년전에, 대학교 1학년때인가 처음 만나고 다시 만난 우리. 큰 변화 없이 둘다 한결같은 모습임을 느꼈다. 그녀는 그녀의 모습을 보기 위해, 나는 나의 특별한 포트폴리오를 담기 위해, 서로 돕기 위해 다시 만나서 참 설레고 기대되었다. 촬영을 결정하기 전에 잠깐 문자를 주고 받았는데 청각장애인들을 돕고 싶어서 청각학을 공부하고 있다는 이야기를 했다. 수화를 배우고 나서 관심이 생겼다는 말을 했는데, 참 유니크한 그녀의 이야기를 담고 싶다는 마음이 들어서 결정을 했다. 그리고 기대한것 처럼, 그녀는 인터뷰에 그녀의 많은 것을 쏟아주었다. 쏟아준 만큼 나는 촬영 준비가 너무 쉬웠고 순조로웠다. 10년만에 본 내게, 흔쾌히 그녀의 이야기를 열어주어서 새삼 고마웠다.

I haven't seen Vivi in ten years, and surprisingly, we both seemed the same as we met again for this creative collaboration. Just a bit older, we were grown mature to help and support eachother's important values and special portfolio. As I got to text with her shortly through Social Media it didn't take long for me to decide to capture her. The fact that she was studying audiology to help people with hearing loss and her recent short hair had to mean something in her life and her inner beauty. Just as I expected, the interview she sent me was very deep just as she chose her favorite color dark green. It really actually was a spontaneous shoot because it all happed in a week or so, but I believe it was a meant to be.

Audiology

In high school, I took sign language with one of my favorite teachers. I quickly fell in love with this “manual language” and wanted to be a bigger part of the community. It isn’t that I wanted to be in audiology because I wanted to “fix” the deaf and hard of hearing. I wanted to be an audiologist, a person that many deaf individuals have to go see, and be someone that actually knows their language. How amazing would it be for them to be able to go see a doctor that they have to see for medical reasons and not have to bring a translator. There is such a large issue of audiologists who don’t know sign language and it is such a huge part of the population that we serve.

I’m just imagining my mother before she learned how to speak english fluently, having to go to an english doctor and not understanding completely what was wrong and how to fix it. It would just be better if healthcare could be more accessible for all.

그녀는 청각 장애인들을 돕고 싶은 마음을 마치 본인의 어머니가 이민자라서 영어가 어려운 데 병원을 가는 불편함을 덜어주는것과도 같다고 이야기 했다. 들리지 않는데 본인의 언어, 수화를 하지 못하는 의사에게 가서 본인의 문제와 아픔을 열심히 호소한다 한들 얼마나 전달이 될까. 그리고 그녀는 그러한 비슷한 문제를 늘 겪었던 이민자 부모의 삶을 얼마나 많이 보며 불편함을 느꼈을까. 그 불편함을 직접 수화를 배우고, 공부를 해서, 많은 사람들에게 직접적인 그들만의 언어로 도움을 주고싶어하는 마음이 참 가치 있는 추구라고 생각이 들었다. 그래서 그녀의 손을 꼭 찍고 싶었고, 그녀가 만드는 수화를 보고 싶었다.

Breath of Emotions

I do think that I am very patient with other people. Or at the very least, I give people multiple chances and the opportunity to try again. I have always been the most patient with my family and I feel that it is a core part of who I am today.

I also believe that I am very empathetic. I cry very easily and quite often, but not always because I’m sad. It can be because I feel an overwhelming amount of pride or an overwhelming amount of joy. It can be pain and sadness, but really any amount of strong feelings, negative or positive can bring tears to my eyes. I used to really suppress this part of myself a lot. I hated to cry in any situation so I very easily would make myself more devoid of emotion to avoid this.But now I feel that it is such a beautiful part of who I am, I fully embrace it. Emotions are beautiful and I should express them.

Burst of Emotions. 그녀의 촬영을 준비하면서 가장 많이 떠오른 단어이다. 하얗고 풍성한 안개꽃이 만개하는 공중 Installation이 참 잘 어울릴것 같다는 생각이 인터뷰 답변들을 듣자마자 번뜩 들었다. 꼭 슬퍼서만 우는것이 아니라, 기뻐서, 혹은 본인의 연약한 모습이 벅차서, 여러 감정이 만들어내는 눈물들. 나는 그것이 그녀에게 그녀 자체가 되었다는 마지막 말이 참 와닿았다. 나의 약점이라고 생각했던 부분을 안아주는 스스로의 모습. 그녀는 본인이 사실은 자신감이 없는 편이라고 했지만 이렇게 스스로를 안아주고 있다는것 만으로, 본인을 사랑하는 첫 단계에 잘 오르고 있다는 확신이 들었다.

Her favorite flowers(plant) were Baby's breath and Eucalyptus. Probably the easiest flowers I ever got for any of my photoshoots. This answer was the strongest that remained in my mind that motivated me to create the set. The burst of emotions really made me draw a picture in my mind of baby's breath air installations like balls. Maybe because it echoed with me the most, as I was similar to her, but now I think it is an advantage to be someone so expressive and knows how to let go of the tears regularly, because I believe tears is another language of speaking. The floral installations metaphor her tears of joy, sadness, and other emotions that are necessary to her.

The time of passing

The most amount of feedback I have ever received from supervisors, friends, and lovers is that I need to have more confidence in myself. Not in the way where I am insecure in my body or how I present physically to the world, but rather the way that I think of myself and carry myself in a room. I am very self deprecating. I don’t often feel like I am proud of myself or that I am competent in my skills or that I am even doing a “good” job in life. I feel that I am always subpar and that I could always do better. If I could change my confidence or my perception of myself instantaneously, I would.

I am trying to work on it, but it is very difficult for me. As far as things that I wish I could change but I cannot, I don’t focus on those at all. I don’t think that we should focus on parts of ourselves that we dislike but cannot change. If we feel bad about something that we cannot change, then it is perhaps societies’ fault and not our own.

그녀는 낮은 자존감, 스스로에 대한 자신감이 없음에 대해 솔직하게 얘기했다. 그리고 본인을 바라보는 스스로의 시각도 바꾸기 위해 노력하고 있다고, 그러나 참 매우 어렵다고 솔직하게 털어 놓았다. 그것이 좋았다. 본인의 현재를 아무런 꾸밈없이 말할수 있는것. 아마 그녀의 현재가 좋았더라도 그녀는 같은 덤덤한 태도로 말했을것같은 생각이 든다. 그러나 그 감동은 같지 않았을까. 본인의 현재를 지각하고, 말할수 있으며, 그것이 본인만의 싸움임을 표현할수 있는 모습이 멋지다고 생각했다. 나는 어떤 사람이 지금 되었고, 무엇을 이루었으며, 라는 '이미 완벽하게 끝난' 것들로 나를 치장하는 현대사회 속에서, 참 빛날 만한 가치라고 생각이 들어서일까, 그녀의 이 질문에 대한 답변도 기억에 참 많이 남았다.

This was another part that strongly echoed with me as well, not because she shared her vulnerability, but because she was so blunt and innocent about her 'present.' Whether or not her present or what is was going through 'now' was bad or good, she just openly shared and that is powerful. By sharing her present status of her mind and struggles, it really led me to create a set to capture her bit closely and deeply. When this society is all about what we have accomplished and what we have become, simply saying describing all the 'completed' things to define ourselves, she knew how to describe herself as herself. Nonetheless, it's her anyways. And that was the core part of this photoshoot of her.

In the mirror

I feel that my face has changed so much in the past several years as far as settling into my “adult” face. I have also cut my hair very short for the first time in my life. I have stopped wearing as many ‘feminine’ things. I am enjoying putting on a different look to the world and becoming more comfortable in my skin. I think that I used to look in the mirror and critique it for everything I didn’t enjoy seeing. But now I feel that I am more body neutral as in that is my body and that it is my face and it is a good body that does good work. I have arms that do things that arms should do and legs that do things that legs should do. And that is enough.

The Subiras

May 10, 2022 in Photography

Family & Wedding Session

Can't believe we did make this work! And a wedding session which I did not expect at all, but was definitely a great start of my wedding portfolio. I never thought of capturing couples that were married already, but now I think about it, 'already' married couples have the own unique beauty just as the 'just about to get married' couples. Both are exciting and charming, but have different shades of color that represents them, and I started to appreciate it by seeing Priscilla and Israel's family.

Aela's facial expression gets funnier and funner...Haha. It was my first time having a dog in the photoshoot, and it was pretty energetic. It's definitely sure a flurry animal makes the photos look bit more warm and cuddly. Jon and I had a dinner time with the Subira family before the session, and that relationship build up did a great push to the photos. Having that quality time added on their comfort zone to be themselves just like their house was meaningful.

Priscilla & Israel

I remember Priscilla from my undergrad at ORU, she always had bright, highlighted long hair. I still remember she dressed semi-formal but with sheer materials that made her look free and comfortable. Even without her saying where she was from I did assume she had a vibe that was not from here. Nevertheless she always smiled with big mouth and her eyes shaped like crescent moon, and that connection we had made me ask her to become my model for the senior art collection. Even though we never talked so much, but only at school, here and there, she was always the same. Complimenting my outfits, my handmade macarons and to my petite photoshoot. And few years later, now, capturing her again with her love of my life is quite dazzling. As Israel was staring into her face as she wore her wedding gown again, I kinda understood why his facial expressions looked way different from his single portraits (lol). I knew why she looked so beautiful.

The dress

I have actually never seen a wedding dress this close, for this long time, just for my shoot. I was pretty nervous and excited to capture such a garment that seemed like a Cinderella's dress which every girl admires and fantasies. The dress that Priscilla got handmade from Brazil was simple and gorgeous; it had that right middle point between vintage and sleek. The fact that Priscilla was in her lightest weight because of breastfeeding and she is in her wedding dress before she had her daughter was a beautiful connection I never thought of. I do remember from her wedding photographs she had long, pretty hair dreadlocks, now she has the bright brown straight hair again. That time in between was only seen through by my heart and it was a delight to capture that.

Aela

What a happy baby. When I see Aela smile and laugh, I see the exact same crescent eyes from Priscilla. She danced upon the Korean version (original) of baby shark video that Jon played, and it was hilarious. Just as we are more used to the foreign language than English, maybe she heard the unique language (as mom and dad speaks Brazilian) and it was more natural to her. I thought capturing a baby and the cuddly Klem (husky) together was a thought-breaker for me because in Korea all the adults, or at least my parents always thought having a furry animal when the baby was born not healthy. I actually do not know why exactly until now (maybe the hair), but after capturing two together it should actually be a really good idea to let my child have a furry sibling to grow up together. Haha.

The shoot went so fast, Aela took a 20min nap in between, and Klem pooped in my closet (LOL). But it was so fun and intimate, to have a family over in my built up space for them to part of it and help me create another beautiful documentation. Hope to see them again, before they fly to Brazil. Thank you!

The Trinity

May 10, 2022 in Photography

The Swains.

Nina and Nicole were my best friends in high school. I remember going to high school being like the only two asians in the school - but thank God, I had a great group of friends where we hung out all the time, went to prom together, had house-overs, and had lunch everyday. The first Halloween I had in America was in Tulsa. Nina and Nicole invited me to their house, it's more than ten years ago now, but I still remember I was dressed up as a photographer witch and Ursula's spaghetti and meatballs were so delicious.

I love being a mother. I loved being a daughter.

I remember Ursula had short hair ten years ago, probably brunette color, but now she had beautiful, silver long hair. It was actually my first time capturing a mid-aged woman as a creative subject. I was really thankful that she reached out for a collaboration, it was a beautiful experience for me. Above were my favorites of all.

I love the relationship with Nicole.

I love the relationship with Nicole. She is still so fun and we get along very well together. Sometimes I still catch myself using the "we" pronoun when I talk about myself instead of "I" I think that says a lot about her place in my life! We are supportive of one another and can communicate easily.We both have our strengths and struggles, but they tend to complement each other to bring a nice balance when we are together.

I love to garden and I love to cook! But, I also love to write different stories. My sister and I have a lot of fun bouncing ideas off of each other. If I ever have writers block, I just talk to her for a few hours and we have a new direction for the story. "

I'd say We're like Mary and Pippin from the Lord of the Rings.

I'd say We're like Mary and Pippin from the Lord of the Rings. Both side by side for years but having our own adventures from time to time. She's always encouraged me to be the best person I can be and I couldn't have done it without her support.

It was interesting to capture twins- I think my last was when I was still in College. And their interview answers resembled a relationship of lovers... How intimate and fascinating as I was an only child growing up, so selfish especially when I was young- afraid of losing any of my time, possessions, effort, for anyone. But I did see a glimpse that love is all about that. Sharing, giving, and being glad about it.

"To have twins is like I won the Lottery."

I never had children before, but there was deep warmth and a non-exchangeable joy in having a family, especially two beautiful daughters. She was willing to open up their private, life-time space where all their time and memories are stacked, which it was the exact same house I went for that halloween party. To create my imagined imagery at a stranger's place was challenging but it was possible through our friendship, Jon's amazing help, and excitement.

The photoshoot started and ended with Ursula. It was as if the story started with the mother, and finished with the mother as well. Just as it is said, it was an opportunity for me to think about heritage and family. That a strong connection is always there, and it is something so unique to be documented and captured. Ursula's nurturing love and time on Nina and Nicole was too wide and deep for me to capture, but it was all lingering on her eyes, smile, fingertips, and stance... Thank you again, for inviting me to be part of the unique family history.

Chenoa & Chanyang's Reminder Weddinㅎ

May 10, 2022 in Photography

Navy Set

나만의 느낌으로 웨딩을 꼭 꼭 찍어보고 싶은게 최근의 목표였는데 나름 첫 시작을 잘한것 같다. 참 오래 전, 졸업 작품 때 신부에 관하여서 컬렉션을 했는데 또다시 나만의 시선으로 현대의 진짜 신부들을, 그러한 커플들을 찍어보는것이 또 새로운 도전일것이라고 기대했다. 하얀 드레스이고 까만 턱시도이지만 틀에 박히지 않고 나만의, 유비스튜디오의 색감으로 담기 시작한다면 또 얼마나 많은 특별한 이야기들을 담을 수 있을까. 시노아와 찬양오빠의 결혼 기념일인줄 알았는데 알고보니 결혼한지 이제 6개월... 그들의 약혼 사진 찍어준게 1년이 넘은것 같은데 아직 시간은 내게 느린것 같아 다행인것 같기도 하다.

예쁘고 풍성하게 꽃 디자인을 하고 싶었는데 아직 초짜이기도 해서 좀 부족함이 많았지만 처음 치고는 그럴듯하게나마 나와서 만족했다. 촬영 준비하면서 촬영 대상에 대해서 참 많이 생각하고 기도하는데 그러한 보이지 않는 것들이 보이는 세트나 디자인에 향기롭게 담겼으면 좋겠다. 이번에는 라현이가 헤어와 메이크업을 도와주어서 고마움을 전한다.

Can't say how much I have been waiting for a wedding shoot! Through variety of creative shoots I've been studying a creative wedding, and this could be my first virgin works :) It's not perfectly there, but I was so glad I could push my limits to another genre that has always been close to me.

Chanyang and Chenoa were my clients last year, as they just got married this January. They trusted me to capture them again, in a quite different time frame when they have been married, but with the same gown. The shoot was phenomenal, it was hilarious, and fun. Thanks for Lily for hair & makeup!

The navy setting was the most new-style I have challenged to try; cool tone does not really reside in my art color palette but studying different wedding photographers made me realize the depth of navy could not really be substituted with a different color. Nonetheless, the navy pulled out a beautiful contrast with pink and green that I put in through curves to add the film tone effect, and I absolutely love it.

Over arching floral design was created to metaphor their love embracing together.

We can call our relationship such as Salt and Pepper.

The favorite part of our relationship is that we get to do everything together, and we share our daily lives together.

Beige, antique old photo studio look set

가장 좋아했던 세트. 주로 촬영을 하다보면, 이렇게 예상하지 못하게 만들어진 세트가 가장 맘에 들고는 한다. 원래 천을 U자로 밑으로 흘러 내리게 양쪽을 잡아주려고 했는데, 존의 아이디어로 한쪽으로 쏠아서 그냥 자연스럽게 떨어지게 했다. 그러다 보니 오른쪽에 이쁜 공간이 생기고, 둘의 뻣뻣함과 정자세가 뭔가 일본의 오래된 사진관안에서 찍을 법한 동양적이면서도 앤티크한 느낌이 났다. 시노아가 한국 남자와 결혼 했으므로 꼭 한복을 입히고 싶었는데 드디어 이 원피스를 내 촬영에 담을수 있다니..! 작년에 직접 그려 디자인 하고, 인도네시아에 있는 테일러링 공장에 맡겨서 천도 내가 고르고 사이즈도 직접 나를 재서 보내줘서 한달 넘게 기다려서 받은 소중한 나의 첫 작품이다. 다행히 한복은 안감에 리본을 묶고 또 밖으로 묶을수 있어서 사이즈에 자율함이 있어서 아무나 입을수 있음에 너무 좋았다. 시노아도 너무 잘 어울렸다. 여러모로 뿌듯한 나의 두번째 세트.

I really wanted to dress Chenoa in some kind of Korean look because she married a handsome Korean guy. I absolutely love the color palette and the lighting in this setting, it is so soft and light. It was another perspective to see a married couple in a different gown other than the wedding garments, it did pull out a different personas in both of them.

It's so interesting to see as a photographer how people react differently according the gowns they wear. Entering a new set, making a different pose, dressing them up in a different garment creates a whole new atmosphere that influences their attitude and facial expressions.

The most recent moment was this morning when felt happy that I was married.

Modern Hanbok Set

모던한 세번째 세트. 커플 옷에는 아이디어가 바닥날때쯤 존이 우리의 커플룩을 입히자고 했는데 정말 하늘같은 똑똑한 아이디어였다. 주로 마지막 세트는 늘 하얀 배경이다. 천도 치우고, 백드롭 롤도 다 거두고, 하얀 벽만 남으면, 뭔가 내게 시원하게 넓은 또다른 빈 캔버스가 주어지는것 같아서 설렌다. 새로 산 러그를 너무 잘 쓰고 있어서 뿌듯하다. 모두다 찍어놓고 보니 셋 다 참 다르고 다양한 느낌이 나서 신기했다. 나라는 단 한 사람에게서 나올 수 있는 이런 색깔들이, 누군가에게는, 어떤 커플에게는, 그들의 이야기를 말할 수 있는 가장 완벽한 세팅이 되고 도구가 되면 참 좋겠다. 다시 한 번, 시간을 내어주고 드레스랑 턱시도를 입을 수 있도록 짧은 시간 다이어트를 해준 시노아와 찬양에게 큰 감사를 전한다. 촬영이 끝난 그 저녁, 시노아가 문자로 진심으로 고맙다는 말을 전했다. 감사하다는 말을 잘 못하는 사람인데, 나에게 참 고맙다는 것이다. 그리고 나의 사진과 아트에 비전에, 도움을 줄 수 있어서 참 좋다고 문자를 꾹꾹 눌러 적은듯 했다. 최근에 들어 가장 마음에 와닿는, 소중한 감사의 말이었다.

It was Jon's idea to dress them with out own couple garments from Korea. Usually the last set I take out all the decorations and enjoy the white blank wall as much as possible. The sun was setting at the right time which the light was subtly lit. It was almost my first time making a flower crown and I ended up pulling out some flowers out of it because I added too much (laugh). Again, I appreciate Chenoa and Chanyang for their time and effort to fit in the wedding gowns again haha. Jon and Lily's effort was numerous and teamwork made all this happen. Thank you so much!

Gray Serenity - Grace

May 07, 2022 in Photography

Grace.

I associate myself with the color gray the most. Gray is the color of indecisiveness, neutrality, and serenity. I lack a strong sense of self, and so I am often indecisive and uncertain. In most social situations, I am quiet and calm. It is difficult for me to be vulnerable/open and share my emotions with others, especially if I am not close with them.

It's been a while I've known Grace- but I think it's an interesting relationship because we have spent a lot of time as a photographer and a model. I don't know why exactly but I thought her appearance features were fascinating and the mood she has seemed to attract me because it seems like she had a story to tell. Thankfully, she was willing to answer my personal interview questions and reveal herself deeper than I expected. The photoshoot was more than a photoshoot, it was a great opportunity to get to know her deeper.

I actually did not know the film inside my camera was B&W; I bought three rolls at once and forgot one of them was B&W. The B&W films take about two weeks to be processed which I also forgot that it was faraway. But it was perfect since I had intention to capture her black and white, as she chose gray to be her color. The color was a surprise to me, maybe I was expecting a different color that she would describe herself. But as I read her whole interview, and met her for a photoshoot and planned the whole set up, it became more clear that these B&W film was eventually perfect for her.

It's already the third photoshoot with her, and I strongly felt this time for sure that photoshoots with her is very calming. Her energy is very still, so firm that I sometimes check if she is breathing (laugh). She stays still just as I give her directions, and she seems to dive deep into the emotions I let her feel and express.

Empathy.

The inner quality that I like most about myself is my ability to empathize with others. Empathy is the capacity to understand another individual’s emotions/experiences from their perspective, and I think that is important to have to care for others.

The word empathy was the strongest vocabulary I remembered from her interview; which I put most effort for this set. Unseen connection, I connected the flowers with transparent string, and let her softly dance around the flowers.

The black and white photographs digital versions look for sure as if it cannot reach the beauty of the films; but because I actually almost never shot in black and white except for back in London, it was a good challenge to have in my practice. In Spring quarter I learned about Sally Mann, and It was first time of actually being mesmerized of black and white photographs. Probably for next black and white I'd go for a film even though it's a bit pricy.

Two cultures.

Although I am of two cultures, I often feel that I belong to neither. From a young age, I realized that I look different from both sides of my family; I do not have blonde hair and blue eyes, but I also do not have straight black hair and dark skin. I also have been told by my peers that I am not “White enough,” or “Asian enough” in regards to my appearance and mannerisms. I am sure the people who have told me these things did not mean any harm, but their remarks and treatment have affected the way I view myself. I know that what others say about my identity should not matter, but it is difficult for me to feel secure and wanted/valued when I have been told and/or treated as if I do not belong. I love and value various aspects of my two cultures, but at the same time, I am not entirely sure of who I am or how I want to express myself.

I actually never knew she was half German until recently. Even though I am full Korean, somehow I connect to her isolation between the two different nationalities. I felt like I never belong her neither in Korea. Visiting Korea was more of a travel, seeing my root culture from a far distance. Oklahoma was like home, but it was difficult to find people like me. It took time, but it was definitely a unique experience that created an unexpected form of identity. Whatever Grace feels relates to all of us who live in a country where it is very different from our original roots. But it seemed as she was slowly just letting her thoughts be flowing, staying, and hopefully she will find the right middle point just as I did.

Perfectionism

One thing I would like to change is my perfectionist mindset. I often set high expectations for myself, and when I am not successful, I am overly critical of myself. Though perfectionism has motivated me to complete my work and strive for more, the tendencies that I have because of perfectionism are toxic for my overall well-being.

The Mirror

I do not think other people see me the same way that I see myself—at least I hope they do not.

When I look in the mirror, I see things that I do not like about myself. I tend to fixate on certain parts of me, and I notice small details. When I was younger, I hated my hooded and uneven eyes, large nose, and acne-prone skin. These parts of me were insecurities, and I wanted to change them so badly. I have learned to accept my appearance more now, but I still struggle to feel neutral towards it from time to time.

The mirror shot was the finale, also one of the most exciting set I was looking forward to. Her answers were pure revelation to me, because I know exactly what she felt in front of the mirror. And I was more than certain that not only me and her, but all the females think like her in front of the mirror many times. So my purpose was not to capture her vulnerability, but her bravery. She was being strong and determined to share her own 'face' in front of the mirror. And it was powerful.

Prayer

Her prayer request and hope was clearly delivered like a love letter to me. Preparing the shoot, it was a time for me to reflect upon what kind of a person she is, and how her words echoed in me as well. The thoughts became to a prayer, and I was grateful to create a beautiful collection just for her.

I really thank her for always being so cooperative to my works. She does not talk a lot, but her eyes and mouth says a lot to me as she stares at my eyes when I talk. I really appreciate Jon, for being part of my project again- he was willing to be part of it until the last moment even though the shoot got longer. Thank you :)

The Mother Earth - Priscilla

May 07, 2022 in Photography

She is the mother earth. She is warm safe, and makes death to live. It's where life lives, rests, and wonders.

Photoshoot with Priscilla was the officially first Creative Portraits I did to somebody other than me. Jon's was a great foundation to start on, and Priscilla, kindly, volunteered to be my project once again. The last time we met was right after her wedding, right before I flew off to London. We only had one fabric stuck on the wall with Walmart lighting bright enough to create her beautiful, brightful portraits. Now she is a mother of a beautiful daughter, owner of a huge puffy Husky, and a lovely wife who cooks amazing Brazilian food. It was some unique moments to capture her alone, representing her special relationships and roles just in her heart, hopefully seen just by her standing alone in the camera. From the interview I was pretty sure how firm her identity was; It seemed to be obvious she knew who she was, where she came from. It was surprising for me because most of us- at least for me- it is a quite difficult task to know and be firm in who I am. And I was glad somebody close to me knew that and that was a deep encourager.

I’m brown. Recently I think I see myself as brown not only because that is the color of my hair and eyes but because brown makes me think of being natural and raw. Although brown is plain and not flashy, it’s real and I think there is a special depth to brown that makes me feel warm and safe. I feel like I am a very natural person and someone who values depth but in a practical form. Brown is practical. I want to be someone practical and effective and a safe place for others.

I most like that I value other humans with all my heart. I guess it’s compassion. My heart aches when I see people getting hurt in any way and I long to see people free—truely and eternally free. I like that I am compassionate because I think it pushes me to be helpful to others and do things that are meaningful and that reach beyond myself.

I want to perceive better. I want to notice people’s needs and be able to notice them in time to help. I want to be more aware—not miss things so much—that I may be a blessings.

Havaianas

I think a quality that can explain Brazilian culture are Brazilian flip flops called “havaianas”. The same simple and usually colorful sandals are used by the rich and poor in Brazil. Every child and elderly Brazilian wears one as well. Those who live in the North where it’s always warm never take their “havaianas” off. When I lived there we wore them to the beach and to church. Down south where it gets colder, everyone still uses “havaianas” (sometimes with socks) while at home especially. It makes me think of how Brazilian mothers never let their kids walk barefoot on the hot, cement side walks, believing that if you do you will catch a cold. Lol. I think “havaianas” are a symbols of Brazilian mix culture—we are a diverse yet one people. Simple yet colorful. Common yet loud.

The shoot became a bit longer than I thought- but it was a thrill to get the last look shot. I wondered if the Mother Earth that we call all the time would be in person, she might look like Priscilla. Life, grows in a soil... A healthy soil. I thought about what it means to be the soil. I am always more thinking about how to grow myself first. But she was thinking about the soil part first. How humble, how worthy.. I really thank her for such perspective. After the shoot, the visit to her place was a proof that she was creating beautiful gardens through herself as mother earth. Her food, the time at her dining table was beautiful. I can't wait to capture her family all in one. Thank you Priscilla again, I will miss you as you fly back!

Hana

March 05, 2022 in Photography

I think I could call her muse. I don't have that many, but yes, she is one of the first. I think she is the first person who made me take my camera outside of my comfort zone into hers- her room, living room, her backyard, even her bathtub (laugh). I've been practicing photography and quality time for more than ten years, and that start was Hana. It was just spending time with her, seeing her outer and inner beauty that I could not put in words. And I really thank her for that, and it is indeed an excitement to capture in my film camera. Another dream that I have always just drew upon my imagination, coming true.

“I consider myself to encompass different colors in different situations. At home and with friends and family where I am comfortable I would most consider myself yellow, warm and bright. However when I am alone, I can be blue- cool, calm and subdued. When I am working on something I can be purple- confident, thoughtful and responsible and I can definitely be red sometimes when I experience strong feelings such as love and anger. I see myself as so many colors in different situations but I suppose others looking at me can associate me with the color light blue- quiet, kind and easy to be with.”

“I am lucky to have such a broad depth of understanding. Minsung calls it my worst and best trait but I think it's my best. My understanding has helped me come into terms of situations which have hurt me and that equals to less stress. My very open-mindness helps me to learn new things, to be more creative and have more ways to think. My desire to understand something or someone has broadened my mind and makes me more curious, and more knowledgeable.It helps in all facets of my life.”

“I appreciate the culture of Jeong (정) the most. This quality is embedded in me by my mom, my family, my growing up in korea and around korean people in America. This helps me to love and care easily, helps me to not be alone and vindictive, and just makes me a better person.”

“I’d like to be more disciplined than I am now. Even though I know I can do more and achieve more and be better, there are sometimes I do not meet that because I am not disciplined enough. I put off until tomorrow or when I have no choice but to do it and that makes me do things half-heartedly and I regret it.”

“Even after 11 years, it is still very much limiting and difficult. It frustrates me when I can’t do simple things that others can, it annoys me when I have to plan extra for when I go out or travel, it makes me self-conscious when I meet strangers or think about doing new things, and makes me sad when I imagine what could have been if I did not have a disability.

However without it I would have not known the extent of strangers, and really everyone around me’s kindness. The simple goodness and helpfulness, really the kind nature and the beauty of humanity that everyone possesses. I would have not known the extent that I can be so able, how resilient, cunning, and adaptable that I can be. I also believe that it has helped me to love and care more, to hold precious simple things, and find happiness in the smallest places.”