The week before Thesis show was a moment to capture because it was like the dark before dawn, before the light slits into my studio. The first reason I decided to come back to school was to see my works hung in a wall, not in a magazine. Photography is amazing but it definitely give me dissatisfaction during process of not able to use my hands tangibly and having restriction of being displayed. And that dream was coming soon to be true, my own solo show. I was already quite tired preparing endless things for the show, however, I decided to really push myself and sit through the days in the studio. I knew this “last week before show” will never come back in my life, I wanted to give my best and all. I woke up a little earlier to head out home (I usually like to stay in bed/home long as possible!) and stayed a little longer in the studio. But I did try stay diligent and keep up with meals so I am healthy and energized. In these kind of seasons when I need to sincerely push my boundaries and have longer days, I feel a switch turn on in myself where I am eating more, being more active with my workouts, and taking notes of everything so I do not forget fifty things going on during my day. Maybe this is called dedication.
People often ask me, where do you get your passion from? And I did think upon this for a long time and I have a proper answer now: In the world, it’s not just few people who have passion. Those people are who “found” what their passion flows for. We all individually carry passion inside us, it’s just they are dormant until they found the right place to be poured. And for me it was a long path, taking different directions, making failures, changing majors, going against parents’ wills or the people’s words, and exploring. To find the right diamond I can give my dedication to. And I didn’t know it until I was really deeply inside the process of doing mixed media. It wasn’t a spark right away; it was an accumulation of everything that I have been walked during the years. And I think my biggest spark I felt recently was at the art market, having my own small space, and people stopping their step and walking into my space. It was the happiest moment I have ever had in my entire life. And that moment would not have happened if I did not make mixed media art pieces to present, nor if I did not apply for the festival, and made the brave step.
Dedication means I do not think about what I am losing. If I do think about “what I will lose” or “what I give up” it will be called sacrifice. Oh, I am not prone to that. I dedicate to my art because I do not know what I am losing and I do not need to know. Time goes so fast and I dive in so deep that I am just soaked into that moment of creation or meeting my clients. The week before Thesis was all about that. To really give my best to the works, to the presentations, preparing myself clean and beautiful to the world. To offer the best I can to the people who want to appreciate me. And another comparison with sacrifice, sacrifice will eventually wear me down. I think true sacrifice is only possible through the ultimate love, only available by the creator, as I am just a human trying to resemble a little of that. Dedication will be the closest manner. And it is a blessing of the life to find where your dedication is directing to. Matter of fact, it changes you. You are not the same anymore after dedication is rooted in your life. Because dedication is love. Love changes everything. Love is what you are trying to find all these years. Love is waiting for you.